Trauma, especially relational trauma, can leave deep scars that impact our daily lives and relationships. Whether it’s betrayal trauma, childhood and parental trauma, or narcissistic abuse, these attachment wounds often require specialized therapeutic approaches for healing. One such powerful method is Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy. In this blog post, we'll introduce IFS, explain what an IFS therapy session looks like, explore how IFS can support healing from specific types of relational trauma, and discuss the benefits of this therapeutic approach.
What is Internal Family Systems (IFS)?
Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a transformative, evidence-based therapy developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz. IFS operates on the premise that our minds are composed of multiple sub-personalities or "parts," each with its own perspective, emotions, and memories. These parts often develop as a response to life experiences, particularly during childhood. Central to IFS is the idea that every person possesses a core Self, which is wise, compassionate, and capable of leading the internal family of parts.
What Does an IFS Therapy Session Look Like?
An IFS therapy session typically begins with the therapist guiding the client into a calm and focused state. This often involves mindfulness techniques to help the client become more aware of their internal landscape. Once centered, the therapist helps the client identify and connect with different parts of themselves.
These parts can be categorized into:
Exiles: Parts that hold painful memories and emotions, often pushed away or suppressed to protect the individual from overwhelming feelings.
Managers: Parts that attempt to control and protect the individual from feeling the pain of the exiles, often through perfectionism, criticism, or caretaking.
Firefighters: Parts that react when exiles are triggered, often using impulsive or destructive behaviors to distract from the pain.
The therapist facilitates a dialogue between the client's Self and these parts, aiming to unburden the parts from their extreme roles and integrate them into a more harmonious internal system. This process is gentle and non-pathologizing, focusing on understanding and compassion rather than judgment or forceful intervention.
How IFS Supports Healing from Relationship Trauma
Here at Superbloom Wellness, we are passionate about using IFS to support those looking to heal from relationship trauma such as betrayal trauma, childhood and parental trauma, and narcissistic abuse. Below we share how IFS can be helpful for each of these areas:
Betrayal Trauma
Betrayal trauma occurs when someone close, such as a partner, friend, or family member, betrays our trust. This type of trauma can lead to feelings of deep hurt, anger, and a loss of trust. In IFS, betrayal trauma is often held by exiled parts that carry the pain and mistrust from the betrayal. Managers and firefighters might work overtime to protect against further hurt, leading to hypervigilance or avoidance in relationships.
IFS helps by:
Identifying and Healing Exiles: Connecting with and soothing the parts that carry the pain of betrayal.
Rebalancing Protectors: Helping manager and firefighter parts adopt healthier roles once the underlying pain is addressed.
Restoring Trust: Cultivating the Self's qualities of compassion and trust, allowing for healthier relationships moving forward.
Childhood and Parental Trauma
Childhood and parental trauma can profoundly shape an individual's internal system. Children often develop parts to cope with the dynamics of their family environment, such as internalizing blame or striving for perfection to earn love and safety.
IFS helps by:
Reparenting Exiles: Offering the parts that hold childhood pain the nurturing and validation they missed.
Reshaping Beliefs: Transforming harmful beliefs instilled during childhood through the Self's compassionate perspective.
Building Internal Safety: Creating a safe internal environment where all parts feel valued and heard, reducing the need for extreme protective measures.
Narcissistic Abuse
Narcissistic abuse involves manipulation, control, and emotional harm by someone with narcissistic traits. Victims often develop parts that carry deep-seated feelings of worthlessness, confusion, and fear.
IFS helps by:
Validating Experiences: Acknowledging and validating the parts that experienced manipulation and abuse.
Empowering the Self: Strengthening the Self to lead with confidence, breaking the cycle of abuse and reclaiming personal power.
Restoring Autonomy: Helping parts regain a sense of autonomy and self-worth that was eroded by the abuser.
Benefits of IFS Therapy
The benefits of IFS therapy are numerous and can be life-changing, particularly for those dealing with relational trauma:
Holistic Healing: Addresses the whole internal system, not just symptoms or behaviors.
Self-Leadership: Empowers individuals to access their core Self to lead their internal system, promoting long-term healing and resilience.
Non-Pathologizing: Views all parts as valuable and protective, reducing shame and fostering self-compassion.
Versatility: Effective for a wide range of issues, from trauma and anxiety to self-worth and self-esteem.
Conclusion
Internal Family Systems therapy offers a compassionate and effective approach to healing trauma, especially relational trauma. By connecting with and healing our internal parts, we can transform our relationship with ourselves and others. Whether you're dealing with betrayal trauma, childhood and parental trauma, or narcissistic abuse, IFS can guide you towards a path of deeper understanding, compassion, and lasting healing.
If you're ready to embark on this journey, consider reaching out to an IFS therapist to support you along the way.
Book a Free 15-Minute Consultation Here (Open to residents of BC, SK, MB, and ON, Canada): https://superbloomwellness.intakeq.com/booking
About the Author
Sophia is a trauma therapist, a dietitian, and most importantly, a fellow human navigating the complexities of the human experience. She holds both a Bachelor of Science in Nutrition and a Master of Arts in Counselling Psychology. She is deeply passionate about walking alongside clients looking to heal from various forms of trauma, such as complex trauma (including C-PTSD), betrayal trauma, relationship trauma, childhood trauma, parental trauma, narcissistic abuse, and/or intergenerational trauma. She specializes in supporting clients through healing the impacts that trauma can have on their most important relationships: including their relationship with self, with others, with their body, and with food. She draws from numerous trauma-focused modalities including EMDR, Internal Family Systems (IFS), Somatic and Mindfulness-Based Approaches, Attachment Theory, Polyvagal Theory, and Psychodynamic Therapy.
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